I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
