Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
