Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I intend to get homeless drunk
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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