i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
