I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Randomize
