cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize