Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
