So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize