where does the pee come out of this thing
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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