I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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