Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
