Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
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