and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize