THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
