Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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