You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
