you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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