dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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