how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
