The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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