remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
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Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
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I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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