i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
