i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
