My liver just broke up with me...
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
