Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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