Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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