Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
