I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
