that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
