You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
