Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
