miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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