she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
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