why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
