I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
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