Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
