im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I forgot how hot balto sounded
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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