considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
