Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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