I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
