Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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