I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Randomize
