Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize