someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
