Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
