Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Randomize
