even my farts smell like vagina
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Randomize
