then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
