We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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