i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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