Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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