I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
