her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
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you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
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There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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