Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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