arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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