i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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