Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
