who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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