speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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