dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
