Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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