If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
bring money and cleavage
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
