I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
