why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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