I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
