dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
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