he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
