you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
