How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
