Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Nobody cheats on THIS.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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