whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
