My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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