I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
