can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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