The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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