he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
