i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
