He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
